If words could heal wounds I'd say anything really.

All the words in my mouth,  became no words.

they just came out in a jumble of slurs and sobs.

You always said i'd leave first, but does that count

if you sent me to my breaking point. The point

i never thought i'd come to, with all my for you

J. you gave me so much but somehow i lost the most 

I am tired. I get so tired of the mixture of distance and time. 

When we met it was a a different dimension. A different 

cadence of our lives. I don't want anything from you 

other than your happiness. This morning i felt like i got over it

I thought everything i was mad about was stress induced. 

I heard your voice as i left the house and found myself irratated.

N just thinks i need time and a break from everything. I just can't

keep nursing feelings that will never be felt back at the same time.

I dont want to keep the teeter tottering of out lives. 

My previous thoughts summed it up way better than i could have 

imagined. I cant keep making art i hope that you'll like. You grew out 

of me a long time ago. Maybe it's time i grow out of you.

ps.

I think assuming i met someone was a cheap shot. I would never EVER let

another come between us. That is something you do.

Fever dreams can only haunt you, till the fever breaks OR letters to my ghost

Dear Kyle

I heard you were engaged or something. Because I’ve been engaged twice I feel like it’s my duty to tell
you it probably won’t work out.

Mainly cause she’s a skeezy whore with a kid

Dear Dave,

Why won’t you just go away? Why is it your mission to stay in my life? You already won. Seeing you
makes me nauseated and when you’re nice to me I really want break off all your fingers. Plus you applied at my job! Who does that? I waste so much time thinking of ways to avoid you. I hope it makes you happy knowing that I can’t validate other relationships as real things, when I think I butchered the one good thing I had. Yet everyone i talk to tells me they're glad I'm not married.

Dear Jeff,

I don’t have a lot to say to you. Just that I thought we had a shot. I thought being in a relationship scared
you. I had feeling for you since I was 17.
But I guess we blew up that boat. I hope you get herpes.

Dear James,

What can I say, I almost threw up when I found out about your girlfriend. But I guess that’s just because
I always thought you’d be there when I needed someone as mad as me. I think I’m getting too old for
this though. I guess I just need to let you go.
Ps. Maybe she won’t turn out to be a lesbian.

Sincerely the Dreamer of the day.

I considered changing the names. I considered deleting everything. I just couldn’t though. In my addled
fever dream state, I just had to be honest. I really don’t care anymore.

I had a glimpse this weekend of all the life i gave up to be with someone who stopped loving me.

In all the growing up I do I always end up back in the contemplative spot.

#dizzy.

well i loved you back then, but don't recognize you now

Dear second body,
I've been jotting these letters down for a year,
and i don't feel better yet.
the more I soul search for answers I know I WONT.
One day I'll wake up from my haze, be less jaded
and my skin will start growing back.
until then i'll continue to be a skeleton with
have a heart being afraid of my life.


-the soulless geek.

twin surgery

Dear second body,

I think its time to do surgery.

Its time to cut our bonds because i feel like we're far to close

like your body is near mine and I can feel it.

I'd like to run away from you and I'm still learning how. 

I would like my legs back, and my heart most of all, our

arteries are too wrapped together, and you're giving me

palpitations. 

Sincerely always, the lost girl. 

Banga

1. Shes beautiful, 2. This songs beautiful and the marriage is perfect. When asked why she chose to cover it she said its cause she can sing in Neil's key.

So beautiful music aside, I've been thinking a lot about the future. I think if the future wasn't so scary I'd happily leave Never-land and grow up, I'd yank my head out of the sand and fight for something. Me and one of my favorite people were talking about future houses and it seems so far away. its very disheartening.

 

I'm always a little amazed by my life. 

and the confusion it brings me

mood. SICK