Something about the rain

Theres something about how it rains that brings me to a artistic, coffee drinking, against me listening, dark feeling place. Its very familiar but it also makes my skin crawl and feel like its going to fall off a little.

Its like I'm dealing with two different bodies that are next to each other.

O WELL. I figure there's worse things in life.

Lost

Dear second body.
I thought I heard your voice today and that gave me heavy boots, we are getting really near that june day again. I hate that june day more and more every year.

-me

Dear Second Body,
I was thinking today about how if we lived in eternal sunshine and you erased me and i erased you and we were back together but then found out how we hated each other, you'd still be hurt and leave. Then I'd be hurt again and have to go through my life trying to put the pieces back together. Just like now. I'm still putting the pieces back together.
-the puzzle.

say yes

running

my mind is running to the last time i expierienced this. this feeling of being unwanted. Last time i drew for days and only ate twix bars and drank coffee. i sat on the floor of my room and drew robot after robot. I only left my room to see james. He was the only thing that made me think there was a end to my madness. Now what. There is no end. no solace. no art to turn out. no me to find. all i want is my man back, no one wants me to have him. he's bad for me they say. but maybe i like whats bad for me. a little heroine in my life. i realized the only thing i wanted was for him to tell me i'd be ok again. to wake up from my little nightmare and find me and him cuddling. I dont like this cold harsh reality that ive come to call my home. i went from having a loving relationship and a house to two back packs and a duffle bag. eventually i'll need to find a real place thats mine.

finding balance

Since a certain day in february i've been looking for balance between the chaotic and the normal. Just when i thought i was doing better life returned to say i wasnt. When i thought the normalcy had infact returned the universe took it away. The term "ugly thursday" redifined itself recently when after a regular thursday my night turned nuclear as i recieved a phone call that my grandfather had collapsed in his home and wasn't breathing. Plus to make things worse, i blew up a bridge between me and my ex a person who i hoped i'd remain friends with. Last weekend we laid gramps to rest and now we're all just struggling to find a balance between what we use to think was a normal life and a life without the foundation of our family.

Dear Second Body, i see you in my dreams

Dear Second Body,
The other night you visited my dreams. It was the kind of dream where i went to sleep and i woke up in the middle but when I went back to sleep you were still there like you wanted to be. You told me how much you missed me and that you were tired of keeping us a secret. Then we went to comic con. I feel you the closest you've been. I smile pained smiles about the walrus clause and the ghost i bought for you but could never send.

.... sincerely the lost girl.