running

my mind is running to the last time i expierienced this. this feeling of being unwanted. Last time i drew for days and only ate twix bars and drank coffee. i sat on the floor of my room and drew robot after robot. I only left my room to see james. He was the only thing that made me think there was a end to my madness. Now what. There is no end. no solace. no art to turn out. no me to find. all i want is my man back, no one wants me to have him. he's bad for me they say. but maybe i like whats bad for me. a little heroine in my life. i realized the only thing i wanted was for him to tell me i'd be ok again. to wake up from my little nightmare and find me and him cuddling. I dont like this cold harsh reality that ive come to call my home. i went from having a loving relationship and a house to two back packs and a duffle bag. eventually i'll need to find a real place thats mine.